jusT woke up and i feel damn Shuang laar.. hehe slept after breakfast at abt 830am after a nite's talk with Key and at the same time to supervise Stace to study for her Jap paper this mornin, makin sure she doesn't doze off and skive! haha..
aniwae.. it's realli a damn gd weather now.. comfy enuff to make mi wanna sleep.. but i guess i had enuff.. shud resume to study soon.. haa cannot slack.. i need to do well for the remainin two paers (hopefully..) but it is oso this weather made mi think of mani tings suddenly.. Many.. i guess i am just emotional.. again.. i am an emotional person but i dun get emotional often.. geddit?
i had always have the habit of browsing thru mi msgs esp those which i tink is sweet.. and sometimes i can keep reading and reading and i never get bored of them.. they realli remind mi of fond memories as well as bitter ones.. but i just cant bear to erase them from mi phone.. and i know i wun.. ever.. talkin abt mi phone, the current one realli knows a lot abt mi.. ben woth mi thru ups and downs.. it has helped mi express mi feelings to others, scold pple thru msgs.. (okie dun misunderstand, i dun scold pple often..) helped mi kept sweet memories, record mi "nan ting" singing voice which i think i'm oh-so zi-lian abt it.. haha.. and take pics so i can always go back to da past when i refer back to the pics.. and record videos.. it tells a lot at mi life simply.. i love mi phone.. but i guess i abuse it badly.. gonna change casing soon.. aniwae the main focus here is not mi phone.. but mi.. haha i know i side track a lot.. so whenever i'm bored, i will just refer to mi phone.. and it will play all the memories i have w different pple in mi life...
Just today, just here i'm gonna talk abt this one person.. prepared as i know this is gonna be an ultra long entry.. bear with the reading kaes? i just hope i wun bored whomever reading thi s entry.. (you can click on the X button if u r wan.. but since you read so far.. mite as well continue rite? haa..) hmm.. i know this person thru a very gd buddy of mine.. since sec1.. thru a phone call conversation.. it started off with mi intending to scold him cos he realli broke mi best fren's heart and we just wanna find out the reason.. so somehow.. we started to talk to each other.. but the irony is we din have a good impression of each other : he tinks i'm an ah-lian (cos i'm quite fierce to him in our 1st conversation) and i think he's a jerk to break mi fren's heart.. so after a week of talkin over the phone.. he prob tot i'm a nice gal (okie i see some puking..) and ask mi to be his gf.. bu now i guess u mite think he's realli a jerk to ask her ex's best fren to be his gf and think tt i am bad too.. cos in the end i accepted, the following day.. well i figured mi fren wud be devastated and prob hate us for this.. but i know i wasn't the cause for their break-up and thot i sort of like him too. tt's y i did accept..
it was kinda weird cos the both of us onli talked over the phone and has never seen each other b4.. not even pics.. well i seen him in a pic thou but he din see mine b4.. so it was weird meeting him for da first time, given i am supposed to be his gf by then.. ya but everything went smooth and yes he was one guy which i thot i realli must have liked him a lot since we talk realli long over conversation and i can feeel mi heartbeat whenever we talk or meet up.. it's a wonderful feeling.. Love...... =) *winks*
but after a month we broke up.. silently.. as in i left him a msg in u know pager's kinda voicemail.. haa last time handphone not so popular ma.. the reason of breakin up? cos i thot he was bein cold to mi after like 3 weeks of being tog and after sch reopens.. he said he was busy but i could not believe.. and i still dunno the reason y... i remember myself still have strong feelings for him when i decided to leave him.. yes sometimes break-ups does not mean there's no love anymore, rather, it could be due to reasons like you feel tt there's no pt to be with each other when certain things happen and ur relationship just become stagnant there.. not being to move back or forward.. or in mi case.. i feel ther's no love in his part animore.. yes i know i din ask and cant confirm.. but back then i just did initiate the breakup.. cant believe back then i was just sec 1 and i think so much.. haa..
yup so we lost contact and the sad thing is i dun have his photo.. damn sad.. i remember when i was in sec 2 he wanted the relationship back.. but the criteria was mi to meet him.. but i cud not cos i had volleyball training that day.. and i figured if he realli wans mi back he can wait for another day.. but i guess he feels the same way as in if i realli liked him, i can forgo mi vball training too.. haix.. but it ended there again..
so 2 yrs later, we contact back.. aniwae the funny thing is each time we get back to each other (as in contact).. it's always thru mi best fren.. haa ma chiam he doesn't have mOi contacts.. so we were in sec 4 back then... and we were just went out sometimes to catch up with one another(includin mi best fren too).. den dunno wat happen we lose contact again.. but never.. was him forgotten in mi memory..
2 yrs later, again he contacted mi fren and they started talkin in msn.. so the 3 of us meet up again.. this time he had his car license and drives his father's car ard.. this time.. i finally took some photos of him.. he doesn't like to take pics cos it took mi a whil eto persuade him to take.. tt evening and nite at east coast, we talked abt a lot of stuff.. and he too, talked abt the shaky relaitonship btw him and his gf as they have many problems.. tt week the 3 of us went out alot with each other and it's realli fun.. singing ktv, food hunting, went fort canning and sentosa etc.. i dun deny some feelings did come back..but i thot i shud keep to myself since he's oredi attached.. so he did broke up a few days later cos they quarrelled quite badly.. not cos of us of cos.. it's cos of some misunderstandings..
then there's this weekend when mi fren was not free so mi and him finally got to go out as a date? haa.. yup i was like how excited la..! i still can rem we went to east coast as the first stop.. cos he says there's a prawn noodle stall which is v famous there and onli open in the mornings.. den we went east coast again to enjoy the stroll, the breeze, talks and of cos the accompany.. =) den we went for movies and dinner and a nite at seletar's reservoir.. the peaceful-ness and feeling there was indeed quite gd.. you realli see alot of cars and motors there.. aniwae, i guess on his part, he developed or maybe got back feelings for mi.. so somehow we got tog tt nite.. i guess i will never forget tt day and nite.. cos we spent like 16 hrs together straight.. it's like how long lars?
i feel pampered durin the days i am with him.. he drove mi to places cos he does not wan mi to travel so much on mi own.. hold mi hands whenever we go (well, b4 this no one hold mi hands as frequent as this).. and hold mi hands while driving.. others mite think this is nth but to mi i felt it's v v sweet and i realli like it.. it's just little things that he do dat realli warms mi heart.. i feel i realli love him.. much stronger than how i felt back in sec 1.. but he just have to break mi heart.. very very deeply..... we broke up 6 days after we got tog.. cos his ex decided to get him back.. i know i am a stupid substitute, but i believe he loves mi too.. his ex and i have totally different character trust mi.. i figured i lost to her cos of time, i lost to her cos they went thru much more obtacles, i lost to her cos they have more gd memories tog and i lost to her cos of bad timing.. i simply lose to her in every aspects.. i believe she's a very nice person too thou i have never meet her before.. even thou it's onli 6 days but to mi it was one of the wonderful memories i have so far.. i cried bitterly for 2 days and felt like shit for weeks.. to ur info, i have never cried for a guy before.. yes this is how bad.. he broke mi heart whe i thot i was the most lucky and happiest gal in the world and he had to stab mi heart when i start to realli love him so much..
til now, whenever i hear of certain songs esp Duan Dian, Happy ending, and mi "where is the love" ringtone.. i will think of him.. i no longer miss him oredi but whenever i do, it will end up to be a very emotional mi.. 有人曾经对我说过这样的话：“当你真的忘了一个人的时候，是当你有一天看到与某某人有关的事物时，突然间发现有这样一个人的存在。 那到了哪个时候，你已经忘了他了。。。” Truely, i guess i dun miss him anymore.. i almost forgotten him in mi life.. but i know he can never be erased from mi memories.. i will not try to forget and i no longer hate him for wat he has done to mi.. in fact, i'm glad he did cross mi path twice in mi life.. prob two yrs down the road we mite catch up with each other again? mi onli console from him will be that i'll be in his wonderful memories too and that he has not forget mi.. "Clarence, i wish you all the best.."
P.S: *Dear, i just wanna grab this chance and say i love you.. and this is just sth which i wud wanna keep at a corner of mi heart for as long as i live..