Linda
Sept 16th 1986
a dancer
a dreamer
an imperfect perfectionist
her family
her frens
sunflowers
suntanning
smiling
being random
eLeen
haZeL
jAsmiNe
jAsOn
jess
Key
Laine
Lin
Matt
Ping
Seek
Suleen
Stace
teRence
WeiQi
Wenn
Winn
> i've moved..
> farewell
> MIA
> and so i hear..
> 10 things that i wanna do right away..
> random post
> they got talent.
> you
> it's a bitch when..
> dance uncensored 08
> September 2005
> October 2005
> November 2005
> December 2005
> January 2006
> February 2006
> March 2006
> April 2006
> May 2006
> June 2006
> July 2006
> August 2006
> September 2006
> October 2006
> November 2006
> December 2006
> January 2007
> February 2007
> March 2007
> April 2007
> May 2007
> June 2007
> July 2007
> August 2007
> September 2007
> October 2007
> November 2007
> December 2007
> January 2008
> February 2008
> March 2008
> April 2008
> May 2008
> July 2008
> February 2010
Designer: blueskyx* LG*
Edit: Adobe Photoshop CS2*
Fonts: Dafont*
Brushes: x
Image: o
Host: Blogger* Photobucket*
Thanks: Blogskins*
Artiste: Tanya Chua
Song Title: Beautiful Love
Went tanning with the gals except Seek who's working.. and it was great! din go sentosa and went to a country club which elaine intro.. the scenery was gd and the chair was comfy.. unlike those mats where i'll get sand all over mi.. got jacuzzi too!! haha prob next time i will frequent there more.. sadly, i din get realli tan.. like no effect lidat.. sianx.. gotta tan more!!
and finally.. i gotta meet mi darlin bestie Jialin!!! miss her soooOooo much!! we have got so much to catch up with each other! i miss those days we always frequent coffe bean and chat all nite.. we r both busy pple, finding it difficult to cater to each other's schedule.. carn wait to see you again soon!! love ya!!
Hope tml will be fun with mi gals.. =D
4 days to a brand new year.. i hope everything will begin on a brand new start smoothly.. This past year had been a roller coaster for mi.. upS and dOwns.. happy and sad.. i have been thru extremes of both sides - the great and the worst - ... be it financially and emotionally..
despite me not having financial woes at the beginning of the year, i dun think i realli was very happy.. even thou i can have almost anything knowing that i still have mi next pay.. second half of the year was realli a zoom! phew~ it passes very very fast.. many things happened.. and mi view points abt many things changes.. i dunno if it's good or bad.. but yea.. i carn say that i became a changed person but well i am still the person pple used to noe mi.. just that i have a slightly different way of dealing with things and the way i think.. thou i am constantly worrying abt mi financial abilities.. i felt i realli enjoyed myself and much a happier person.. guess the vibrant hall life realli make mi experience a lot.. fun and free.. but dun worry i din take advantage of this freedom.. i'm not that wild..
i am those kind that i spend wat ever i have.. so even thou u mite see mi buying a lot of stuff.. it does not meant i realli had that kind of money.. rather, each time i buy stuff.. it means i am much much more poorer.. cos all mi allowances must have gone into it.. haa okie i dun intend to make myself sound pathetic here.. mi point here is.. you dun have to have lotsa money to keep urself happy.. but it's how u appreciate things, being contented with wat u have and wat you enjoy the most.. for mi, it's realli the company of frenz and doing stuff that i like.. =)
true enuff, i am gg thru depression now.. i guess i have too many things to worry abt.. and when this happens.. little things realli get on mi nerves and minor things can make mi tear.. it could be the slightest thing and i can just blow up.. so i hope you pple.. - all mi frenz and loved ones - .. can understand and try to bear with mi..
P.S. : advance happy new year to everyone.. let's keep on dancing to the music of life! *winks*
i wanna end this as soon as pOssible.. it is NOT onli you who wanna settle this.. i kept quiet cos i dunno how to settle.. but well.. since you brought it up.. it cud be good in a way.. i dunno how u find ur way here.. by chance, by hook or by crook.. i dun care.. since you read mi blog.. den this is for you..
please dun make urself the onli victim in this relationship.. you mite think it is all mOi fault.. but seriously it all bOiLs down to the fact dat you take things to seriously and like to assume.. most importantly too stubbOrn.. becOs rite from the start, i have never ever said that i Like you.. it was onli pure one-sided love.. the reason dat i have been nice to you is becOs you have been very good to mi and i know dat.. but that does not mean there's love on mi part.. you have to get this straight.. and i merely liked you as a fren.. becos i enjoyed ur company as a fren.. tiL you became obsessed with mi.. and i felt myself being very trapped.. very trapped inside ur love for mi.. making myself very hard to breathe..
i know i had been giving you the cold shoulders but that was becOs ur persistency and checking on mi (to you, it was a form of concern, to mi, it was a little too much when we r just frenz) are gettin on mi nerves.. i guess i have been spoiled by you.. hence resulted in mi takin you for granted.. i am not blaming you for this.. i am just telling you..
i do not deny i did let you down.. and i am very sorry on that.. but then again.. i did not promise you anything.. and if you realised i did rejected you many times.. and you know that.. i thot by telling you that i had a boyfren wud stop you from likin mi.. i thot you wud just give up on mi.. but instead.. it resulted otherwise..
and that is when mi attitude towards turn bad.. which u deemed as nasty.. it was not intentional.. believe or not.. and now.. things turn for the worst.. well it cud be in a way a good thing as it meant that u finally realised what's happening.. you can scold mi a bitch or watever names you can think of.. but i am definitely not tryin to make use of you.. even if i really did.. i din do it on purpose.. i am definitely not that kind of gals..
Wat i see of us? two stupid pple trying to quarrel and being petty... y can't we just settle it peacefully.. as in i see this as a revenge from you.. just becOs i left you with no chOice in the past.. and you r leaving mi with no choice now.. you do this on purpose.. and you know where are mi weaknesses.. this isn't gonna leave things settled.. so wat if u get back wat you want.. in ur heart u will never be able to leave this aside.. and you know that! on mi part, even if i give you back watever u want.. at least i know i can live a better life in future.. becos after all this shit.. i wiLL have nothing to do with you anymore and you wud have no reason to pester mi anymore.. i have nothing to lose.. by leaving in such a way.. we both know never is it possible for us to talk, not even like total strangers since things will be so different, so awkward and so disgusting..
you know you dun need those stuff.. but wat i feel is that u hate to see mi living happily and blissful.. while you.. still a pathetic "..." (well i shant continue) who still be shadowed by the past and unable to open up.. even thou you can get watever things you wan in life.. you are just plain jealous that i can move on and you can't.. dun tell mi stuffs like you r just tryin to have nothing with mi anymore that's y u wanna get back those things which u had gave mi.. crap! wat u r doing now is just to make mi in a difficult situation since you jolly well know where i am most vulnerable..
in that case, i wanna tell you.. well done! you got wat u intend to.. making mi suffer in depression which in the first place i shud not have.. i know i have been in such a state since start of december.. and pple can tell that.. even when i smiled.. it's not as bright as before.. and i hate this too..
well, wat can i say..? we are both at fault.. one who lead things on.. and the other too stubborn and overly persistent and possessive.. watever!!
i am so disappointed with myself.
my results is a total crap.. cRap..CRAP!!!!
thou i expected it and see this coming.. but deep down i still hope for some miracle to happen.. or at least i din noe it will turn out this bad..
i promised myself to work realli harder next sem.. i gotta pull mi CAP score up.. but, i know i'll definitely be even more busy next sem!!
but mom says if my results sucks.. i wud have to pack and go home!! for good!! meaning i wun be able to stay in hall anymore!!! NOOOOOoooooOOoooo!!!!
*sob* =_(((
Went out with *Dear today.. finally!!
did some shopping and we r two happy pple cos he got a nice shirt and i got a very pretty bikini from Mambo.. both stuff at half price!! yay~ Mambo is having great sales! shud go check it out.. =)
but mi pocket is now burnt and having a HUGE hole now!! i shud not have spend future money but i simply lurRve the bikini!! last piece somemore.. hees.
watched The Chronicles of Narnia and it was superb!! okie larr.. maybe not so great but the effects r there and realli nice show as a whole.. Recommended! =D
i am not in netball main team.. =(
haa.. no la i am neither sad nor disappointed.. cos i expected it.. i was realli the lousiest.. a lot of experienced and the new comers r oso better than me.. so i actually see this coming.. in a way or other.. i am quite glad.. cos i can slack.. but then again, i AM getting FATTER!! how to slim down by end of dec by 5 kg..? pengs ar!
oh aniwae.. today i tink today's BBQ is quite successful.. the ambience.. the deco.. and music.. haha.. well done yiwen, shiping and nat!! i ate quite a bit thou, but i was very full!! and sweet *Dear bought mOi favourite Honey milk tea after i came back from vball trg.. thanks darling! so how do you expect mi not to get fatter? when can i slim down? *sigh*
going to pom pom now!! O_o so smelly......
today is a very sianx day!!
i have practically nothing to do. (i tink a lot of pple will wanna kill me for saying this..HA!) Play games oso sianx.. Wanna go out oso no one free to go out with mi.. Wanna go shopping oso no money.. diao ar!!
i thot i will have a nice xmas party tonite til i realised i have vball training at 8 and the party starts at 7!! so angry!! baahaa... but i'll definitely go for trainings since it's mOi favourite sport and the trainings are oredi very few le.. *sigh*
aniwae dearest frenz of mine.. i am so sO SO sOooo broke this christmas that i guess i carn realli get u pple nice xmas pressie le.. wanna make thou.. but i have limited materials, and more materials meant money again? moreover i think i lack time to do.. so please do bear with mi this yr kaes? next yr, i'll make up to you guys/gals..
all i want for christmas is... a good job w good pay!! =)
i received a letter from NUS when i went home last nite.. it says, "We regret to inform you tat your application to transfer to another faculty was not successful.."
haix.. and so this sealed mi fate and meant that i wud have to remain in Arts faculty for the remaining yrs in NUS liaox.. i wud not say i am not sad at all but i felt ok.. as in realli ok.. it was much of a disappointment rather. To console myself, i can tell myself that if i were to major in statistics, i will still lose out to those scholars from China, India, Malaysia, or which ever country which NUS will fancy.. i will oso lose out to those local scholars too.. moreover, my maths aint that strong too despite the fact dat i took further maths.. haix.. i will take it in mi stride.. so dun worry abt mi.. =)
now the question is wat shud i pursue in mi course of study? i was tinking of social work, but i wonder is this realli wat i want? i certainly know that my writing skills are not good and i hate readings.. so i shud take something dat dun require so much of a reading.. if not i will just die... HELP!!!
yes i know. i know. i have been missing for 5 days.. well, i was busy lar! had dance blast! camp on monday that lasted 3 days and onli ended with a "blast" on wed evening.. well camps are usually filled with games, BBQ and this camp is no exception too.. but wat we have in addition are the many dance classes tt consists of intro to salsa, lindy hop, jazz and basic techniques tt a good dancer shud have.. i realli enjoyed myself with the many exposures to different dances, but the stretching is a real killer!! they caused mi poor pathetic pair of legs and esp moi inner thigh to hurt like mad.. even when i climb up and down the stairs!! argh~ but well, as the instructor says.. "no pain, no gain"..
another thing tt adds to the highlight of the dance camp is the mini dance competition that the 6 diffferent smaller groups has to prepare.. the song is pre-mixed by our "lovely" seniors and and chosen according to lots.. so well, we dun have much of a choice if u got a so-called bad song.. aniwaes, we need to come up with the choreography and it wud be incentive if we cud think of a storyline to go along w dance.. plus, entertainment value counts in too! this is indeed stressful when u onli got 2 pathetic nites to prepare and there's no seniors to realli help us w the choreography!! i kinda regret joining the camp due to this and cos mi group consists of few pple.. wat's worse is they r not very on! but oh well, overall i admit i had fun la.. luffing at ourselves, others and makin many new frenz.. i guess this is the best part larr..
initially i thot i will end up sleeping after the breaking of camp.. budden, i went Bugis with mi 8 other dance mates.. haa.. we weren't in the same group but ya.. we just went there hopin to get some cheap nice track pants and oso to have dinner.. try to make up for the poor food served durin the camp.. we had FONG SENG meals for our lunch and dinner for 3 days straight!! *pukes* well, after dinner we went arcade and thereafter movies at cineleisure.. a pity we got there too late and wat's left is onli, "The Descent".. and we got the first row.. how pathetic.. btw the movie is not exactly nice and i guess it's not worth ur ticket money.. so pple out there.. DUN go and watch the movie kaes?
i carn believe the whole group of us actually waited til 6 am and took cab/bus back home/hall.. i truely enjoyed their company thou i was reali tired after the movies.. we walk, scream, take crazy photos in front of the fountain at bugis w many eyes stain at us, sing, dance, talk and trying to tolerate Joo Teng's lame jokes.. HAHA. well, we r all very high pple..
and guess wat? after returning back hall, i went to bathe immediately cos i am meetin seek at 8am to "chiong" for the Mango sale islandwide.. this meant i din sleep!! and i have a very high risk of collapsing anywhere anytime!! the best part is i still went ahead to cut, dye hair after shoppin, which oso means that i wore mi contact lens for abt 40 hrs!! omg..!! hee but i am quite happy since i got a dress and a long skirt from Mango (well the sale machaim no sale for mi since i got these 2 items at $118 -_-"), a skirt and a pair of earrings from seek mommy and i got mi haircut (finally..!!). the thing is i am truely wolly BROKE now!! *sob*
*yawns* think i betta sleep now.. seriously deprived of sleep sia..zZz..
Thanks to all who has tagged mi, or msged mi or show concerns for mi personally.. you know who u are and i realli appreciate them.. i think i am feelin better now.. "tomorrow is a better day!" and i always believe in this.. hopefully this sentence holds too..
maybe sometimes i shud change mOi way of thinking and mOi mentality.. not being so hard on myself.. not expecting so much from others and i will not fall as hard.. will not be as disappointed.. In life, i guess u wun have everything to work in the way as you wud wan them to be.. and some tings will just work out themselves eventually.. i am oso starting to realise that certain things i shud keep them relax and it's time dat i actually keep other things tighter.. you gotta be strict and determined and perservere to succeed in things that you wan..
Well, i got into a normal primary school, a neighbourhood secondary school and a mediocre junior college.. now that i am in uni, i feel myself struggling in the midst of smart and hardworking peers.. and the best part is.. i am still as slack and not trying hard enuff.. putting studies aside, i still have mi sports and other activities.. i am an average vball player back in sec skooL, and a not bad dancer in jc.. you see mOi point here is, i can never be very good.. yet i will never be very bad too (choy!) *touch wood* mi results and achievement are never great.. mi studies are always mediocre, if not slightly better than average..and mi other activities are oso the most, better than the minorities.. so the conclusion? i am just an average and normal person with no special talents or extraordinary performance/achievement.. *sigh*
i dun wanna sound so pessimistic.. but i carn deny from this fact.. i guess this explains moi inferior complexity.. and the onli thing i can do is to try to be cheerful at all times and look forward to a simple life, to not complicate mi usual normal life.. and this is just mi simple little wish..
just a simple, stable, good life..
i think i am going thru an emotional torture now.. recently..
i have lost count of the number of times i have shed tears in just 2 days.. i just hope everything.. those unhappy things will stop at once.. rite away.. but sometimes it's not up to me to make the choice..
maybe it's cos i kept many things.. almost everything to myself.. which i always do.. i tend to bottle feelings inside.. sometimes it's not i wan to.. rather it is cos it is not easy to find someone willing to listen to you patiently.. someone who is able to spare their time.. someone who can understand the situation i am in and how i feel.. i dunno but i just feel that i carn always open mi heart and talk to pple or even mi close ones.. and i simply just find it difficult to confide in just anione.. hence i'll feel at a loss when those i am dependent on are not by mi side..
Stacy: thanks for being there when i need you.. i seriously appreciate that very much.. you r realli just a phone call away.. it feels realli sweet when u ask mi where am i and rush down immediately to find mi even thou it cud be a small matter.. i love yu!! stacy yu!! you are such a sweetie..
Jialin and Seek: i know both of you r very concerned about mi and will always be there for mi too.. knowing that is a great console for mi oredi.. i still love you two alot and i cherished this frenship.. thou separated by distance.. it is the heart that binds us together.. miss you two!!
things just explode eventually or come to a dead standstill when nothing is being said.. both outcomes are something i wud not wanna see..
to you, i just hope we have more heart-to-heart talks.. i promised i will share mi joys and sorrows, mi ups and downs to you from now onwards.. (i am glad we did talked last nite) and i will wan our relation to work out..
to him, i just wanna settle our things once and for all.. i DUN wanna have anything with you anymore.. you just make tink of all those unhappy past.. i dun wanna be shadowed by the past..
i just wan to be unhappy no more... that's all.
drinking makes you lose ur voice
drinking makes you lose ur control
drinking makes you become crazy
drinking makes your complexion suck
but drinking makes you forget ur sorrows..
and drinking gives you the excuse to dance and have fun like nobody's business..
and dancing gives you the courage and excuse to do the "wrong" things..
7 used to be mOi favourtite number.. and it still is.. but why is it the hell that those unhappy things have to happen on the 7th? twice in 3 mths!!!! ARGH~
fuck off all those evil pple who makes mi cry
fuck off all those who hurt mi
fuck off all those who say one and do another
fuck off all those hypocrites (i dunno wat they r thinking)
just FUCK OFF and get out of mi sight!!!!!! *roar*
it was a fucked up day.
today's the start of mi intense trainings that's gonna occupy the whole of mi hols.. erm.. okay larr.. actually it's not intensive since i onli got 2 sports.. i have many frenz who hold 3 sports at least and some even has 7-8 sports.. madness!! yes and mi stamina is getting from bad to worse.. i need to train mi stamina and of cos tone up mi body.. i hope..
aniwae i am sunburned!! but it's peelin at weird places.. places dat u carn see.. onli i can!! haa.. but oops dun let ur imagination run wild huh... and i am sooo lookin forward to mi next tanning sessions with the gals.. a pity they dun realli know how to play vball.. i wud like to have some beach vball sessions too!!
i carn help but to feel sian abt this hols.. the irony is i actually looked very forward to this hols when it is nearing.. and now? i just feel a little sianx.. haix.. maybe it's just these days.. guess i'm not used to not seein a lot of pple esp mi neighbours since most of them moved out.. and the hall seems more dead all of a sudden.. i'm just glad i still see Max, Key, Clara, Yao Min and mi other hall frenz.. and Stace, Linda T and Jessica occasionally..
on a good note.. books are hell far away from mi.. at least for 5 weeks!! and now mi concentration wud be IHG trainings, singing and dancing all day and nite!! not to mention outings with all mOi beloved frenz!! conclusion? i gotta be happy and enjoy mi hols to the fullest!! prolly i'll go clubbing more often since i am so free? but i dun realli fancy dat actually.. i'm realli not a chiong-ster like many others say so!!
i am happy cos someone just made mi day.. simply thru MSN!!
(THC²) Linda Tok- aiming for 5 hr. expecting 5 hr says:
*im falling in love with this fren.* tok toking to herself
(THC²) Linda Tok- aiming for 5 hr. expecting 5 hr says:
i think, ur a little perfect
(THC²) Linda Tok- aiming for 5 hr. expecting 5 hr says:
as in, towards ur tt.. imperfect perfectionist claim in frenster
(THC²) Linda Tok- aiming for 5 hr. expecting 5 hr says:
shld change to. a little perfect perfectionist
*we talked abt sth else*
(THC²) Linda Tok- it tks 2 hands to clap. one hand to slap says:
may my darling linda enjoy a good night rest she rightly deserves, n wake up to a brand new tmr with no bad dreams, but onli a smile hanging ard, the best thing to put on her pretty face coz it onli serves to make it even more pretty.
happy cos she wrote quite a long good nite msg just for mi..
happy cos mi darlin fren Linda and i talked the whole nite, accompanyin mi while i pack mi room.. how sweet..
happy cos i'm glad that we are still close even after orientation..
happy cos i like pple to assure mi many times, esp those pple i like..
happy cos i like the way we clicked well.. *winks*
thanks Linda Tok... Love you! *mmuacks*
*me facing the very messy room of mine..* how messy.. argh~
i am going home tomorrow!! yay~ =D i miss mOi family..
mi mood sucks today.. (esp when pple attitude mi..)
i have lotsa things to do today.. but i din.. prolly it could be due to the fact dat i'm plain lazy.. and oso i just dun feel like.. or prolly there's too much things for mi to do til i dunno where to start, hence i procrastinate..
i decided to read mi fren' s blog, whose name i shan mention in mi blog since she din wan pple to know the existence of her blog.. i'm on good terms with her.. but not the best.. dun ask mi why cos i dunno the ans myself too.. i read her entries from the most recent to as early as july.. thou it's not a long period, just 3 odd mths but i realli read word for word.. and i actually took the time to read them, seemingly very interested to know more abt her life...
seriously i like to see close frens of mine to mention mi name in their blogs cos it meant dat i'm part of their life.. it just felt sweet i think.. but the onli time dat i saw mi name in her entry is when we first knew each other.. subsequently, i was sort of like outta her life.. i think i din quite make effort for our budding frenship to blossom.. on her part, she actually thot of the idea if we could still be buddies when sch term starts.. she asked mi the question before, " do you think we can be very very good frenz in da future..?" and i replied her, "Maybe.. we never know.." and she is like, "y maybe? isn't dat possible? isn't that confirm we will....?" i kept silent..
i carn help but to tink dat we mite not able to click dat well.. i mean we can get along well but in certain aspects, i tink we r different.. as in our lifestyle, our way of tinkin, and our way of doing stuff... another thing dat i thot we mite not make it as very good frenz prolly cos i feel dat she seems to always try to put mi down by sayin certain stuff and it simply contradicts dat she actually wan mi as a very good fren of hers... definitely she's mi good fren.. but i cud not predict whether we will be very good frenz in the future.. i'm afraid our thinking mite differ drastically one day and we mite just get hurt in the end.. having our frenship in jeopardy..
slowly, we drifted further apart and esp after i got attached, i neglect her even more. and she at the same time, feel dat she shud not disturb mi as much.. hence mi potential good fren got away from mi.. until one day, i actually got jealous, well i think it's more of sad, tt she has found someone more special, someone who is so close to her dat we can almost oso be as close too.. til den, i realised she realli does matter to mi.. it doesn't realli matter dat she got another close fren.. but i thot to myself suddenly that y carn we be close frenz... i figured it's time for mi to get back the frenship we once had.. i feel i shud be appreciative of her and treasure our frenship..
i realised it's realli not easy to build a relationship that could withstand time and distance.. unless the foundation is good.. and i guess i just need that.. it's realli impossible to find many very good frenz.. and at the same time maintain the frenship.. u carn have the best of both worlds.. it realli takes time and effort.. which one cud not have so much time to manage so many stuff in the world.. i promised myself to be more appreciative of mi frenz from now on and not take them from granted.. but at the same time, i hope you pple (frenz of mine) be more understanding and more tolerant towards mi if there comes a day or time dat i cud not be as nice, cud not be as good as u expected.. i guess i just carn satisfy everyone..
i mite not be in the rite state of mind to blog.. haa.. but guess i can manage ba.. just came back from zouk.. yup in the end i still went cos a lot of frenz gg and i thot i mite just go.. not dat i "gian" dancing but rather to meet up wth frenz since i know a lot will definitely turn up.. much to wat i expected indeed i saw damn a lot of familiar faces.. i'm so happy to see them all!! esp mi pri sch good fren Kianheng which is so qiao cos he wanted to ask mi along last nite but i wasn't online on msn.. and i saw Kenny, mi sec sch junior.. and mi jc frenz Elaine and mi eye-candy back in SA.. Joseph!! haha.. not to say mi dance blast and temasek hall frenz!!! keke =) hence i danced with different groups and accompany whole nite!! mi way of not getting bored =X and oso lucky mi, i din spent a single cent since mi frenz all treat mi to drinks.. haha! thank you!! *winks*
i'm glad i din miss it.. cos it was realli quite fun.. the music was fine, the accompany is good and the nite was cooling!!! what can i ask for more? haha.. thou i dun club often.. i do enjoy club when i do go.. and when i do go.. it means being sexy, getting in the groove and bask in the attention!! woolala~
a nite out at zouk is simply great! mambo rocks~ haAaaa...