mi mood sucks today.. (esp when pple attitude mi..)
i have lotsa things to do today.. but i din.. prolly it could be due to the fact dat i'm plain lazy.. and oso i just dun feel like.. or prolly there's too much things for mi to do til i dunno where to start, hence i procrastinate..
i decided to read mi fren' s blog, whose name i shan mention in mi blog since she din wan pple to know the existence of her blog.. i'm on good terms with her.. but not the best.. dun ask mi why cos i dunno the ans myself too.. i read her entries from the most recent to as early as july.. thou it's not a long period, just 3 odd mths but i realli read word for word.. and i actually took the time to read them, seemingly very interested to know more abt her life...
seriously i like to see close frens of mine to mention mi name in their blogs cos it meant dat i'm part of their life.. it just felt sweet i think.. but the onli time dat i saw mi name in her entry is when we first knew each other.. subsequently, i was sort of like outta her life.. i think i din quite make effort for our budding frenship to blossom.. on her part, she actually thot of the idea if we could still be buddies when sch term starts.. she asked mi the question before, " do you think we can be very very good frenz in da future..?" and i replied her, "Maybe.. we never know.." and she is like, "y maybe? isn't dat possible? isn't that confirm we will....?" i kept silent..
i carn help but to tink dat we mite not able to click dat well.. i mean we can get along well but in certain aspects, i tink we r different.. as in our lifestyle, our way of tinkin, and our way of doing stuff... another thing dat i thot we mite not make it as very good frenz prolly cos i feel dat she seems to always try to put mi down by sayin certain stuff and it simply contradicts dat she actually wan mi as a very good fren of hers... definitely she's mi good fren.. but i cud not predict whether we will be very good frenz in the future.. i'm afraid our thinking mite differ drastically one day and we mite just get hurt in the end.. having our frenship in jeopardy..
slowly, we drifted further apart and esp after i got attached, i neglect her even more. and she at the same time, feel dat she shud not disturb mi as much.. hence mi potential good fren got away from mi.. until one day, i actually got jealous, well i think it's more of sad, tt she has found someone more special, someone who is so close to her dat we can almost oso be as close too.. til den, i realised she realli does matter to mi.. it doesn't realli matter dat she got another close fren.. but i thot to myself suddenly that y carn we be close frenz... i figured it's time for mi to get back the frenship we once had.. i feel i shud be appreciative of her and treasure our frenship..
i realised it's realli not easy to build a relationship that could withstand time and distance.. unless the foundation is good.. and i guess i just need that.. it's realli impossible to find many very good frenz.. and at the same time maintain the frenship.. u carn have the best of both worlds.. it realli takes time and effort.. which one cud not have so much time to manage so many stuff in the world.. i promised myself to be more appreciative of mi frenz from now on and not take them from granted.. but at the same time, i hope you pple (frenz of mine) be more understanding and more tolerant towards mi if there comes a day or time dat i cud not be as nice, cud not be as good as u expected.. i guess i just carn satisfy everyone..